The desert and the parched land will be glad
Now I don’t expect you to share our narrator’s final vision (his nemesis certainly doesn’t – nor does he share hers), but if you can follow his mindset, perhaps you’ll relate on some level. For example, don’t we all long for a Heaven of sorts? Whether it be an eternal one or an earthly one? All of history’s testament to that. Now the original St. Augustine saw both (e.g: his City of God on earth and eventually Heaven), while our Augustine, being a painter, (albeit previously “retired”), eventually comes to the same conclusion as his namesake. But with a modern take (since he now decides to paint it). And here’s where Ramona the pest comes in.
For example:
“You like?”
“You haven’t finished it.”
“Well, do you like what I’ve done?”
“It’s just white pastel on black paper.”
“So?”
“Doesn’t look like you’ve done that much.”
“Well, what about the part that I have done?”
“Where is it?”
“What difference does that make? Desert’s a desert.”
“But it’s just black and white.”
“You’re black and white – so’s Hud, Streetcar, Casa Blanca – and CITIZEN KANE! Not to mention some of the greatest photographs of all time.” and this is his problem. Because the following is the drama of the screwball rom-com he at best anticipated versus at worst: the theater of the absurd he actually dreaded all along. Because for the first time in the entire three novels of our trilogy (from The Mendicant to The Militant to The Missionary) he sees his higher purpose, but all the while has to deal with the everyday obstacles that distract him from his higher purpose. And in this case his higher purpose is:
“Painting, Julia – the Desire of Nations!” But as for his distractions?
“Enlighten me Master Po. Little Grasshopper’s tympanal organs are vibrating in anticipation,” just going along with my newfound “vision” to humor me – but it didn’t make any difference anymore because I was really starting to see it “because here’s what I’m thinking – just off the top of my head – maybe I’ll paint what I see or maybe I’ll paint what I see inside – or I’d like to see yeah because maybe I’ll paint something not quite like anything we’ve seen. Different enough to make people question, think of beyond the world they now live in – somewhere between the reality of the moment and I’m not sure – fantasy isn’t it – something that’s out there but not too far we can’t still want it you know?… ” “broad strokes, Gus, broad strokes.” “What?” “Edit Gus edit.”
“Like Maxfield Parrish – ’cause he’d always do these scenes you could almost see yourself in – or certainly like to – images that speak to that Edenic need of every man – images that we can look at and realize those longings really weren’t merely childish or mere illusion or false hope after all – but real – significant – God given – that’s what I want to do – tell people that the longing is significant that the longing isn’t wrong, it’s the foolishness to think we can have it without Him. ‘Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will come after it’ that’s the only way those childhood dreams are fulfilled. Not by seeking the dream first, but the Maker of those dreams first, the Creator of our every longing – by seeking Him and His plans – His plans for our lives…… – Whadaya think?”
“I think you’re gay.”
“Because-I-don’t-wanna-marry-you!?”
“BINGO!”
“HA! If I did – you’d-be-running-the-other-way!”
“So try me.”
“Because you’re the kind of woman men always chase, Julia!”
“I’m chasing you aren’t I?”
“That’s ’cause I’m not chasing you and that’s the ONLY reason.”
“So if you were to chase me I’d lose interest is that what you’re saying?”
“Something like that.”
“So why don’t you try – that way you can get rid of me.”
“What if I don’t want to?”
“so this way you play it cool and get what you wanted in the first place?”
“Unless you’re gay – you’re not gay are you?”
“Only my heart when I’m near you.”
“So I can continue then? – now that we both have hope?”
“I’m all tympanals.”
“- because it all makes sense now. I had to go where I went to get to here. I mean I had ‘worldly fame.’ I don’t need that. Now I’m going to do it to show the next thing on the program. Some prophets show the bad, some show the good. Seems like my whole life has been verbalizing the bad, while painting the good. But never in any way that went far enough” “broad strokes Gus, broad strokes” “Because I was afraid I’d come across as too hokey – like some Norman Rockwell’s America – that not only didn’t exist in most cases but was a downright lie. Four freedom’s – HA! Tell that to a black man. Or an Indian. No, I was too cynical for that.. So consequently felt I could never paint anything significant enough – so instead verbalized it. But if I could ever someday combine the two – ’cause just think what a person with an active imagination and an ability to render it visually for all the world to see could do?…. Make sense?… here – let me read it to you – ‘the grassland of the deserts overflow-‘ ”
“Wait wait wait…”
“NOW what?”
“I’m still not convinced… Answer me honestly now – don’t be ashamed – your secret is safe with me: are you gay, bi-sexual, latently homosexual, a pedophile, or ever had a homosexual experience or wished you had?… ”
“all of the above”
“bisexual? Bisexual? That’s it – YOU’RE BI-SEXUAL! I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT!”
“You trying to increase the odds? Or decrease the humiliation?”
“WHAT?………. Oh I get it.”
“If it’s going around you probably will.”
“Ah-that’s not nice – you know my tympanals only vibrate for you.”
“Okay okay – I’ll grieve over it later, but in the meantime listen to this: ‘the grassland … the grassland of the desert overflow… the hills are clothed with gladness.. – the meadows covered with flocks and valleys are mantled with grain and the mountains will not be wastelands but streams of water will flow on every high mountain and every lofty hill and the mountains will bring forth prosperity to the people the hills the fruit of righteousness” “Broad strokes Gus broad strokes” “- in-His-day-the-righteous-will-flourish; prosperity-will-abound – grains-abound-thoughout-the-land, on top of hills may it sway. Let its fruit flourish like Lebanon, let it thrive like the grass of the field. All Nations will be blessed through him and they will call Him blessed……’ ”
“You on drugs?”
“to put it in terms you’d understand – YES – It’s like being on drugs – but it’s a SPIRITUAL high! Because you see, that longing IS significant. It’s not just something we’re supposed to grow out of! – but grow into! The one hope to keep us looking! Looking until we found it. Him! And then He brings us into that Promised Land. You see what I’m saying?”
“Whadaya reading from anyway?”
“The Nevi im.”
“Neverimimims”
“Jewish Old Testament prophets! – Hava nagila ve-nismeha!..”
“And how do the never-bums tie in with your paintings?”
“the childhood fantasies I’ve been painting all my life… – are real in the sense our dreams – Not the actual dream or our fantasies, but the emotion behind them are real. That desire for what they represent. Because someday God will finally give us what our hearts long for if only we put Him first. Worship the Creator not the created, that’s what it’s always been about. In other words everything up till now for me Julia has just been training – all those paintings because now I can take all that – the style, the technique, the desire, along with the vision-” “broad strokes Gus, broad strokes” “- but this time it’s a vision that’s valid – not some childhood substitute – but the real thing – the object of the desire that God has put in all of us like the prophets Isaiah and Haggai whom I quote said – The Desire of NATIONS! BUT THIS TIME INSTEAD OF HOLDING BACK LIKE I ALWAYS HAVE OUT OF FEAR OF BEING TOO HOKEY OR SENTIMENTAL OR UNREALISTIC, I can let go and finally let loose all those pent up feelings and desires and drives and…. I don’t know Julie it all makes sense all of a sudden – you – me – here – the deserts that will blossom, the mountains in the distance that could look like Mount Zion – it’s like I have this vision and it all makes sense all of a sudden like Peter and John on the mountaintop where they finally saw Jesus transfigured and Moses and Elijah and I do a painting something along the lines of a-”
“LSD – THAT’S IT! YOU’RE ON LSD! HA!-I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT!”
“you’re hopeless”
So now he just went back to his painting since that was his first love anyway – because she was hopeless… because he remembered when he first touched that pastel to paper. It was love at first sight – everything he touched turned to a reality he could create on paper – whatever he could SEE IN HIS MIND he could put on paper and now when he had this apocalyptic vision, it all dissolved and he had to come back down to earth again…
“Jane be good little girl – promise!”
“You still here?” “Jane behave!”
“No Jane won’t – Jane’ll just wait for the next joke – either that or she’ll just work the conversation so she can set up the next joke.”
“Tarzan test Jane – no more ha ha”
“Jane won’t even get past a Gustav Dore!”
“A what door?”
“See! Whad I tell ya – A GUSTAV DORE! Because my plan is to take a whole SERIES on a MASSIVE SCALE something along the lines of a Gustav Dore! to which YOU’LL SAY ‘A gustatory?’ and I’ll say – ‘No, a Gustav DORE!’ and then you’ll say ‘A gusty story?’ and then I’ll say ‘DORE! DORE! DORE! I WANNA TAKE A MASSIVE DORE-‘ to which you’ll say-…..”
“YOU DO AND YOU’LL CLEAN IT UP!”
“SEE! SEE! SEE! I told you – Jane can’t even go a minute without making ha ha with poo poo joke!”
“That’s not fair you set me up!”
“why am I even talking about this? I live in a world that revolves around poo poo – a world that doesn’t know a Manet from a Monet, A PICASSO FROM A POLLOCK, A REMBRANDT FROM A REMINGTON, A-” “Who?”
“see…”
“What? What? Whad I do now?”
And then he felt terrible again:
like maybe she IS for real and thinks Manet and Monet are different French pronunciations for money, Rembrandt and Remington are competing gun manufacturers and PICASSO AND POLLOCK ARE A SPECIES OF FISH!!-Oh Lord, help me to understand – whether she’s a help or a hindrance? The necessary check and balance?? – like Beatrice and Benedict, Elizabeth and Darcy??? – Gracie Allen to George Burns? Lucy to Schroeder?? RAMONA QUIMBY TO HENRY HUGGINS???… or is she in her own comic way, more like the sirens leading men to their doom?
Or – just a clown. Because she’s either the most ignorant woman I’ve ever known – or she’s pure kitsch? Or Camp? – put on or put off, because it’s her very apparent stupidity that throws you off guard and then when you least expect it, she nails you… like maybe I’M pure kitsch and SHE’S pure camp?
Or my perfect Devil’s Advocate…. ?
Lord help me.